These are my thoughts. They are NOT meant to answer any questions about anything. It’s not meant to resolve anything or have a conclusion. They are simply words straight from my mind at this moment that I happen to want to share. Thank you.
Whenever I think about the times people have hurt me I just want to curl up and disappear. I feel so embarrassed for letting people back in afterwards. I wish I’d just shut them all out and run away. Run away to a far place where I could start over.
When the memories get played over and over in my head I just want to cry. And scream. I can’t believe they did that to me. I can’t believe they hurt me. I can’t believe they betrayed me. I can’t believe they dishonored my trust…
I’ve been through some things. So many times I thought people were one thing but it turns out they’re like the rest of us. Broken, lost..human.
Some people think forgiveness is a hard thing. It’s actually not. You know what’s hard? The part after the forgiving. You know the part when you move on and never bring it up again. Yeah, that part’s hard. How many times do we want to bring things up so bad..so that they could feel the pain you’re feeling inside? I’m not going to lie, things still hurt. Thoughts scatter my mind from time to time. It hurts replaying images in my head. I wish I didn’t have those images.
So that’s why I’m writing this. Because I just had some bad thoughts and I couldn’t help but think if I’m going to get hurt again. The part about moving on and letting people stay apart of your life not knowing whether or not they will hurt you again is a little bit frustrating, to say the least. Not knowing hurts.